Tiger Perch TBW High School Portrait Don't quit When things go wrong as they sometimes will When the road you're trudging seems all up hill When the funds are low and the debts are high And you want to smile you have to sigh When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must but don't quit Success is failure turned inside out The silver lining of the seeds of doubt And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far So stick to the fight when the hardest hit It’s when things go wrong that you must not quit -W.J.A. Rowe This poem compels me to reflect, looking back on all I have been through; I felt like it, but couldn't quit. Memories deeply rooted in my mind raced to this present time, memories laced with emotions that I will forever know. These memories and emotions are a part of my growth. I was just 20 when my life took a turn, arrested for murder May 13, 1991, seventeen years ago. September 2, 1994, I arrived on Texas' death row, Ellis unit 3 row, 2 cell. I sat there on my would be bed, looked around a murky place with strange sounds. I called out to God even though I did not know one personally: "What now?" As tears flowed down from my heart I cried, "So alone". Then, I began to laugh with a sense of relief, a sense that I would be okay. From that day I would grow and learn. The first five years past as I learned to read and write and capture a new sense of self. I was in great pain those years, I expected a family that wasn't there, in those years I would go through emotional wars and at times all I had was a deep cry to god and each day would pass into another day. I was growing. Then came the move from Ellis unit (where we lived in group conditions, were able to work and go to school), to this new isolation, Polunski unit. Imagine being striped naked outside in front of a prison and asked to bend over and spread your buttocks, then chained up so tightly you can't stand up strait, loaded on a bus so tightly packed and driven across land and over water only to arrive at another prison to be striped naked once more before everyone. Humiliated! It would be March 3, 2000, the day before my 29th birthday, March 4. I would wake up in isolation...no tv, no human contact, ever. It would be a time of inner and spiritual growth, a time of facing self in a new way. A very lonely time. I would meet a woman 23 years older than I who was from Switzerland. She would become my first real friend. Through her I would learn the face of compassion and love, even though I did not know how to receive such qualities. I never knew such a person or qualities, so how could I give or even show at that time true appreciation. I need to learn to give, needed to find within myself these qualities and get to know them before I could even give or share them with someone. Then there were my fears and insecurities that had kept people out for so long. I have learned to live without expecting too much from others. If you can't count on the people who claim to love you and me your family, how could one believe in a stranger? But here she was standing by me, supporting me, and it frightened me deeply. At the same time I was so starved for love that I could not help but receive it greedily without the understanding of what my friend was giving to me. I took it for granted. "You never know what you have until you lose it." April 2003 would come, this year and time would change me in a great way. December 2002 I was given an execution date for April 2003 and in those 4 months leading up to that day, I would relive my whole life, making peace. Some nights I would lay awake thinking, others I would write letters from a place within me I had kept covered for year. I had to heal. I had to give. My friend would visit and bring my family together and I would forgive them and make peace with them. Then on April 15 I would leave the visit room, separated from everyone by glass, only to be taken by the warden, major, and other ranking prison officials. I would be striped naked, made to spread my buttocks, open my mouth, and then chained up tight and loaded on to a van, and driven to the Walls unit in Huntsville. Where I would await execution. On the ride it was a beautiful day. I know how that could sound, but what I saw was clear blue skies, life everywhere. Once at the walls, I was striped again, then placed in a cell over from the execution chamber, where I sat quietly. I was asked by officials if I would like coffee or something, which I drank with a few cookies. At 4 pm my lawyer called to tell me it didn't look good and we talked (tears run free as I write this, and I am thankful for so much). I was okay and told him so. At 4:20 pm a call came through to my lawyer. Executions normally take place at 6 pm. The call was from the court, granting me a stay putting the execution on hold to appeal a single claim. That was five years ago, it took me over a year to get a hold of myself. I know that God is always with me. I am not into religions. I am just at peace with my relationship with God. I spend my time creating art and I love music. However I am still learning and I like to make friends, so I am reaching out to you. My art is a reflection of my inner self. I am a positive person. I love tiger, they are so graceful and I am always drawing them in different ways. I like people and faces so I draw them a lot also. There is so much that I would like to be able to share. I love to laugh and just be myself. I don’t care about age or race, so if you are interested in building a friendship I welcome you to write me. All paths lead to some goal: to convey to others what we are. We all must pass through solitude and difficulty, isolation and silence, in order to reach fourth to the enchanted place where we can dance our clumsy dance and sing our song-but in this dance or in this song there are fulfilled the most ancient rights of our conscience in the awareness of being human and in believing in a common destiny... Kenneth W. Morris 999117 Polunsky Unit 3872 FM 350 South Livingston, TX 77351